Wednesday, August 19, 2009
NAKED IN THE STORM
Add a bit of rain
from the tears I have shed
and then the thunder
from the breaking
of my heart
perhaps there is
the hail from the stubborness
I have held onto
then the snow
from the pure thoughts
I used to have about love
Then there are
those pesky clouds
that keep the darkness
ever present
And then the tornado
that swept me away
when we met
Did we invite the hurricane
on the horizon
Tell me you brought
an umbrella
and maybe
I'll find the escape plan
that I have always held
in my hands
But did you notice
we were naked
standing on this bare field
So I guess there's nowhere
to run or hide to
Do me a favor
and pray for the sun
if you won't hold
me any longer
~ Marilen J. Sarian
from the tears I have shed
and then the thunder
from the breaking
of my heart
perhaps there is
the hail from the stubborness
I have held onto
then the snow
from the pure thoughts
I used to have about love
Then there are
those pesky clouds
that keep the darkness
ever present
And then the tornado
that swept me away
when we met
Did we invite the hurricane
on the horizon
Tell me you brought
an umbrella
and maybe
I'll find the escape plan
that I have always held
in my hands
But did you notice
we were naked
standing on this bare field
So I guess there's nowhere
to run or hide to
Do me a favor
and pray for the sun
if you won't hold
me any longer
~ Marilen J. Sarian
CATCH A SHOOTING STAR
A beautiful star shot like a comet into my life
Brilliant white with blue sparkles of a cold stare
How fortunate to gaze at with such amazement
I had only the breath to utter a thankful prayer
Other people saw this brilliant heavenly body
Its existence was not for me and my selfish wants
I write about it, celebrate it, anything but grab it
But in my soul is where its vision continually haunts
If it was mine to have, there would be no darkness
I would keep it safe and magnificent at all times
Cherishing with loyal faith that it was made for me
And never to let go even if it burns me up inside
~ Marilen J. Sarian
Brilliant white with blue sparkles of a cold stare
How fortunate to gaze at with such amazement
I had only the breath to utter a thankful prayer
Other people saw this brilliant heavenly body
Its existence was not for me and my selfish wants
I write about it, celebrate it, anything but grab it
But in my soul is where its vision continually haunts
If it was mine to have, there would be no darkness
I would keep it safe and magnificent at all times
Cherishing with loyal faith that it was made for me
And never to let go even if it burns me up inside
~ Marilen J. Sarian
DIGGING HOLES
It became an obsession
digging all those holes
at first they were small ones
that would trip me
I eventually learned
to patch them in
I threw the dirt back in it
Quick solutions for the holes
Then I got proud
and thought I can patch them up
whenever I had the time
So I dug more holes
And more holes
And bigger holes
I was even so proud
about the holes
and the arrogance I had
that I can fix them
not realizing I was
running out of time.
The holes were eroding
and got bigger with neglect
I started to dance around them
and didn't see one behind me
I fell in and collapsed
all the other holes
where they then became one
It was huge, dark and empty
dirty and cold
I sat on the bottom
helpless
Things looked bleak
and unattainable
Would I ever dance
on the surface again?
Then the rain came
and almost drowned me
I didn't know how to swim
but my faith helped me to float
I was able to crawl out
when the waters rose
I looked back at the pool
that once was a hole
I was thankful and
made up my mind
to use the mistakes I made
to my advantage
It is now a well
filled with crystal clear water
to quench me in the future
whenever I get thirsty.
And I have plenty of water to share.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
LOVE SAVANTISM
Diagnosis: outstanding, impressive and prodigious
Yet lacking cognitive abilities and is un-suspicious
All too good in creating music, a limitless mnemonic
Memory that's impressive and truly photographic
Although at times becomes a distant participant
That's the disabling condition of the Love Savant
Purest in its form not knowing how to self-impart
Ignorant of the dangers that lay outside the heart
Plead with those who handle the autistic gemstone
Unprotected it will shatter if dropped or thrown
Keep it safe and the art you will be shown is magic
For the unconditional way can never be truly tragic
~ Marilen J. Sarian
MY BAKAWALI FLOWER
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bakawali flower rare and mysterious
Fascinate, mesmerize a wonder curious
Grow you as the embodiment of my love
Ancient as the moon's pull from up above
Elegantly sprouts on the body of a cactus
Collecting water like knowledge to feed us
Some may enjoy the fruits of a blushing rose
Velvet doesn't cower when the wind blows
Roses are brave and honored in romance
Bakawali waits for God's arduous patience
White petals release an intoxating fragrance
Only fortunate eyes can be present to glance
The shy flower has one life of pure intensity
It chooses the right moment to show its glory
Glowing in the cold darkness of quiet night
Burning so deeply from within with all its might
Unlike other flowers that will inevitably fade
Reality of time and passion eventually invade
Wrinkle and shrivel when their time has passed
Hardened they leave you with their flaky dust
Bakawali manifests for a few precious hours
Explodes into your soul with devine powers
Infuses into every part of your heart forever
Always glorious in beauty to leave you never
~ Marilen J. Sarian
A PRECIOUS PEARL
Things that are so precious in this world
Takes their time to grow in stellar beauty
Mystery was a spec that entered the shell
Layers were created upon each moment
I felt the promise grow inside the heart's soul
When the shell broke open and light entered
The blue jewel was discovered in wonder
So beautiful was the miracle or this richness
That my world became a part of heaven
Captured forever in the kiss of a pearl
~ Marilen J. Sarian
WHAT COMES AND GOES
My seasons ebb and flow upon the empty shore
Never sure of the in between beats
of the evermore...
Finding that in touches and glances
lies everlasting romances
of the paramour...
Hold on with only the grasp of memory
promising to taste what we are honoring
letting go of what's before...
~ Marilen J. Sarian & David Morin
*paramour
Never sure of the in between beats
of the evermore...
Finding that in touches and glances
lies everlasting romances
of the paramour...
Hold on with only the grasp of memory
promising to taste what we are honoring
letting go of what's before...
~ Marilen J. Sarian & David Morin
*paramour
c.1300, noun use of adv. phrase par amour (c.1300) "passionately, with strong love or desire," from Anglo-Fr. par amour, from acc. of amor "love." Originally a term for Christ (by women) or the Virgin Mary (by men), it came to mean "darling, sweetheart" (c.1350) and "mistress, concubine, clandestine lover" (c.1386).
A ROSE COLORED SOLUTION
I choose to see the world through rose colored glasses
Disregarding all the negativity that in front of me passes
Seeing the beauty that others miss without true vision
Because they focus on the world's negative destruction.
While others may take action against the injustices
And use bickering and back talking as their auspices
I choose to peacefully nurture the promises contending
To be the kind that is full of attention that is encouraging.
If you see someone fall because of criticism drowning them
Be the one that lends a hand to lift with no uncertain terms
But start with the ones who stand by your side each day
Don't let the world's problems become a door for escape.
For that's the worst excuse to make to ignore your family
Saving the world will not make a stronger community
I believe it's starts with how you love in your home
And how your love can grow to affect not just you alone.
Try to destroy the sadness that cloud the world around you
Then you may see the happiness spread like a fervor flu
Maybe that will be the ultimate way to save our precious planet
By lifting souls in happiness who will see the world and want it.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
Disregarding all the negativity that in front of me passes
Seeing the beauty that others miss without true vision
Because they focus on the world's negative destruction.
While others may take action against the injustices
And use bickering and back talking as their auspices
I choose to peacefully nurture the promises contending
To be the kind that is full of attention that is encouraging.
If you see someone fall because of criticism drowning them
Be the one that lends a hand to lift with no uncertain terms
But start with the ones who stand by your side each day
Don't let the world's problems become a door for escape.
For that's the worst excuse to make to ignore your family
Saving the world will not make a stronger community
I believe it's starts with how you love in your home
And how your love can grow to affect not just you alone.
Try to destroy the sadness that cloud the world around you
Then you may see the happiness spread like a fervor flu
Maybe that will be the ultimate way to save our precious planet
By lifting souls in happiness who will see the world and want it.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
I CAN'T SLEEP
Harder to settle into sleep
Thoughts float like confetti
Restless in the quiet darkness
Wonder why you're awake
Getting close to 2 o'clock
Yearning for a clear head
Something is missing here
No company in the dark
Loneliness is all you feel
If you wake from a nightmare
No one will hold you close
Only comfort from blankets
Pretending pillows are affection
~ Marilen J. Sarian
Thoughts float like confetti
Restless in the quiet darkness
Wonder why you're awake
Getting close to 2 o'clock
Yearning for a clear head
Something is missing here
No company in the dark
Loneliness is all you feel
If you wake from a nightmare
No one will hold you close
Only comfort from blankets
Pretending pillows are affection
~ Marilen J. Sarian
SOMETHING TRUE AND WONDERFUL
Drums beating or is it the heart...
Airwaves beam into small tunnels
tumbling around to create music
and the brain is silently amused
while notes become conversations
sometimes hours pass like black holes
and propel souls into the future
one lonely soul in particular escapes
searching for the seemingly impossible
creating connections in the darkness
and just maybe it can rest in something
... something true and wonderful.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
Airwaves beam into small tunnels
tumbling around to create music
and the brain is silently amused
while notes become conversations
sometimes hours pass like black holes
and propel souls into the future
one lonely soul in particular escapes
searching for the seemingly impossible
creating connections in the darkness
and just maybe it can rest in something
... something true and wonderful.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
RELINQUISHING
I was holding onto it
the slightest bit of hope
that I thought may live somehow
figuring that I had the power
to keep the limp lifeless heart
from disappearing forever
that my desires would revive
its beating cells just for me.
Selfish thoughts of control
felt powerful enough to be
above and beyond the reality
that I kept struggling against
I kept fighting to not let go
of something that already let go
of me and had been saying
goodbye for some time now.
I will regain who I was again
the sparkling soul that is within
I can find the clay from which
the most gentle hand has molded
and honor that I am just here
to only perhaps help mold others
because I am not the source
from which they can live and breathe.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
the slightest bit of hope
that I thought may live somehow
figuring that I had the power
to keep the limp lifeless heart
from disappearing forever
that my desires would revive
its beating cells just for me.
Selfish thoughts of control
felt powerful enough to be
above and beyond the reality
that I kept struggling against
I kept fighting to not let go
of something that already let go
of me and had been saying
goodbye for some time now.
I will regain who I was again
the sparkling soul that is within
I can find the clay from which
the most gentle hand has molded
and honor that I am just here
to only perhaps help mold others
because I am not the source
from which they can live and breathe.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
THE INCH WORM
Consider an inch worm…
Moving an inch per stretch.
It's no use if you struggle to squirm,
Your thirst for distance cannot be quenched.
Limited by the size you posses,
It's tempting to give up on dreams.
But move on little worm and start a quest!
Muster up your courage, build up some steam!
Yes, it's daunting to look so far ahead.
When you don't know if you can commit.
Will you ever find places exciting to tread?
Not if you set yourself here with a mental limit.
There is adventure to be had for little you…
Even if you feel it's bigger than you're capable.
But along the way invite dear ones to help you.
They will carry you in ways you never thought achievable.
If we join together as inch worms in life…
We can link to make a foot and eventually a yard.
With everyone in, we can even link much more than a mile!
Lovingly reach for each other to overcome days that seem so hard.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
Moving an inch per stretch.
It's no use if you struggle to squirm,
Your thirst for distance cannot be quenched.
Limited by the size you posses,
It's tempting to give up on dreams.
But move on little worm and start a quest!
Muster up your courage, build up some steam!
Yes, it's daunting to look so far ahead.
When you don't know if you can commit.
Will you ever find places exciting to tread?
Not if you set yourself here with a mental limit.
There is adventure to be had for little you…
Even if you feel it's bigger than you're capable.
But along the way invite dear ones to help you.
They will carry you in ways you never thought achievable.
If we join together as inch worms in life…
We can link to make a foot and eventually a yard.
With everyone in, we can even link much more than a mile!
Lovingly reach for each other to overcome days that seem so hard.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
DON'T STEP ON THE GRASS
There used to be a sign posted:
"Don't Step on the Grass"
But you couldn't help but be tested
Yearning rest in its field as you pass
If you couldn't step on it
Of course you're not able to lay there
You couldn't get where it's shaded
You couldn't reach the pretty flowers
But the owner decided to leave
And the area was provided to you
More than eager to gratefully receive
Finally able to lay in its fruity blooms
Now the final question remains
How long are you willing to stay?
~ Marilen J. Sarian
"Don't Step on the Grass"
But you couldn't help but be tested
Yearning rest in its field as you pass
If you couldn't step on it
Of course you're not able to lay there
You couldn't get where it's shaded
You couldn't reach the pretty flowers
But the owner decided to leave
And the area was provided to you
More than eager to gratefully receive
Finally able to lay in its fruity blooms
Now the final question remains
How long are you willing to stay?
~ Marilen J. Sarian
ADRENALINE RUSH
Keen on the
simple knowledge
that times spent
and managed
with a certain
playboy can
never really
amount to and
account for much of anything
even when planets start aligning
to shower both of
us with stars
that streak across
just to scar
the outer reaching
atmosphere
only to eventually
disappear
like the moments
that revolve
around what fate
has divulged
when people part
like a gentle sea
witnessing the way
you move me
under twinkling
lights of music
misunderstanding
this as specific
and find the
inevitable conclusion
of the perfect
make believe illusion
that another's strands
are gripped
and clearly tangled
in his fingertips
confirming silence means
I'm a pawn
and my good shot of
adrenaline gone.
*****
***
*
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
~ Marilen J. Sarian
simple knowledge
that times spent
and managed
with a certain
playboy can
never really
amount to and
account for much of anything
even when planets start aligning
to shower both of
us with stars
that streak across
just to scar
the outer reaching
atmosphere
only to eventually
disappear
like the moments
that revolve
around what fate
has divulged
when people part
like a gentle sea
witnessing the way
you move me
under twinkling
lights of music
misunderstanding
this as specific
and find the
inevitable conclusion
of the perfect
make believe illusion
that another's strands
are gripped
and clearly tangled
in his fingertips
confirming silence means
I'm a pawn
and my good shot of
adrenaline gone.
*****
***
*
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
~ Marilen J. Sarian
APPRECIATION OF COMPANIONSHIP
The quick ingestion of relaxation
created the symptomatic syndrome
of a cloudy head and heavy eyelids
stumbling away to attempt control
of possible directions of her passage
penitent for inability to fully focus
rescued by a gentle empathic escort
guided through slight confusion
in the warmth of a beautiful day
strolling hand in hand on a path
filled with tickle grass and spider lines
a recited reminder of cinematic scenes
when fears vibrate the surroundings
the companion invites her to lean in
resting her head on solid composure.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
created the symptomatic syndrome
of a cloudy head and heavy eyelids
stumbling away to attempt control
of possible directions of her passage
penitent for inability to fully focus
rescued by a gentle empathic escort
guided through slight confusion
in the warmth of a beautiful day
strolling hand in hand on a path
filled with tickle grass and spider lines
a recited reminder of cinematic scenes
when fears vibrate the surroundings
the companion invites her to lean in
resting her head on solid composure.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
RAVEN HAIRED GIRL
Raven haired girl
wanted the rain to unfurl
on the dehydrated land of hurt and complacency
got word of a hurricane
that may sweep away
all the existence of her life's consistency
Wishing it to make a path
her broken heart as the map
praying for the extreme change it may bring
and she had a little sense
of its power and strength
never expecting it would grant her desiring
She cried out to tempt
windy eye that wept
to seek her out and sweep her far far away
the storm slowly moved
over turbulent seas of blue
gathering energy into its dark cloudy veins
People fortified their shelter
so damage will not enter
the loving home they have securely built
but backwards raven hair
did not have anymore cares
for her house was infected with lies and guilt
She was dictated by her owner
a man who used to love her
that she had to stay in the grips of his abuse
and he taunted she can't
survive a storm if it went
near them because she could not be able to choose
Her heart's shattered pieces
floated to the gusty breezes
into the eye of the strength gaining storm
it focused on her wish
a chance to cross off her list
there will soon be a chance to be reborn
Zero hour was amazing
she thought it funny to sing
as the howling winds accompanied rain
the walls shook hard
and began to fall apart
her yellow house disappearing away
She spread out her arms
debris around her swarmed
and the life she knew began to fully unwind
the destruction pursued
as her laughter confused
the controlling man she was to leave behind
The wind did as she asked
sweeping away her past
and carried her to a nearby land of emptiness
the storm was waning
then nothing remaining
of what she thought saved her from unhappiness
She stood bewildered
with shock unfiltered
as she found herself alone in a sea of nothing
the downside was up
but not even enough
to release her from the pain that is haunting
~ Marilen J. Sarian
wanted the rain to unfurl
on the dehydrated land of hurt and complacency
got word of a hurricane
that may sweep away
all the existence of her life's consistency
Wishing it to make a path
her broken heart as the map
praying for the extreme change it may bring
and she had a little sense
of its power and strength
never expecting it would grant her desiring
She cried out to tempt
windy eye that wept
to seek her out and sweep her far far away
the storm slowly moved
over turbulent seas of blue
gathering energy into its dark cloudy veins
People fortified their shelter
so damage will not enter
the loving home they have securely built
but backwards raven hair
did not have anymore cares
for her house was infected with lies and guilt
She was dictated by her owner
a man who used to love her
that she had to stay in the grips of his abuse
and he taunted she can't
survive a storm if it went
near them because she could not be able to choose
Her heart's shattered pieces
floated to the gusty breezes
into the eye of the strength gaining storm
it focused on her wish
a chance to cross off her list
there will soon be a chance to be reborn
Zero hour was amazing
she thought it funny to sing
as the howling winds accompanied rain
the walls shook hard
and began to fall apart
her yellow house disappearing away
She spread out her arms
debris around her swarmed
and the life she knew began to fully unwind
the destruction pursued
as her laughter confused
the controlling man she was to leave behind
The wind did as she asked
sweeping away her past
and carried her to a nearby land of emptiness
the storm was waning
then nothing remaining
of what she thought saved her from unhappiness
She stood bewildered
with shock unfiltered
as she found herself alone in a sea of nothing
the downside was up
but not even enough
to release her from the pain that is haunting
~ Marilen J. Sarian
IN THE CITY OF GOSSIP
In the City of Gossip
green eyed people
with loose
slithery tongues
pry into other lives
to experience their fake
enjoyment that
is short lived
so they feed
on more of the news
that keep their world afloat
in the world
of innocence
where one
that is targeted
by the gossipers
feel their every move
criticized
if they are weak
to the ill wishing arrows
they may fall into
the river of dispair
but the ones
who pay no mind
to the lunacy of evil
can detour to the land
of achievable dreams
where they can pursue
life's abundant goodness
where the busybodied
lonely wretches
cannot truly see
because
they cannot ever see
beyond
their own misery
green eyed people
with loose
slithery tongues
pry into other lives
to experience their fake
enjoyment that
is short lived
so they feed
on more of the news
that keep their world afloat
in the world
of innocence
where one
that is targeted
by the gossipers
feel their every move
criticized
if they are weak
to the ill wishing arrows
they may fall into
the river of dispair
but the ones
who pay no mind
to the lunacy of evil
can detour to the land
of achievable dreams
where they can pursue
life's abundant goodness
where the busybodied
lonely wretches
cannot truly see
because
they cannot ever see
beyond
their own misery
~ Marilen J. Sarian
TORTURE FOR THE FUTURE
The right touch
from your skin
I kiss you deeply
and wantingly
your breath is
sweet air filling
suffocated lungs
passionately need you
my desires can't escape
even the most open doors
leading to elusive freedom
we all seek for our life
when I think of the pleasures
I die all over again from
exquisite pain of being
present in that extreme
moment when you filled me
with such intensity
that my cries reached
every quiet corner
as wild shivers
run through me
when I picture
your body wrapped
around my own
I cannot resist
even though you
may be the one to
ultimately break me
for I am already frail
and cracked inside
because I know
you will be leaving me
these pleasures
brief moments
of happiness
torture for the future
but for now I am
lavishing in excitement
of discovering chemistry
and bracing for the beauty
of the day when I will weep
for losing a soul
that has centered
so deep in my dreams.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
I kiss you deeply
and wantingly
your breath is
sweet air filling
suffocated lungs
passionately need you
my desires can't escape
even the most open doors
leading to elusive freedom
we all seek for our life
when I think of the pleasures
I die all over again from
exquisite pain of being
present in that extreme
moment when you filled me
with such intensity
that my cries reached
every quiet corner
as wild shivers
run through me
when I picture
your body wrapped
around my own
I cannot resist
even though you
may be the one to
ultimately break me
for I am already frail
and cracked inside
because I know
you will be leaving me
these pleasures
brief moments
of happiness
torture for the future
but for now I am
lavishing in excitement
of discovering chemistry
and bracing for the beauty
of the day when I will weep
for losing a soul
that has centered
so deep in my dreams.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
I PRETEND
the thorn in my side
just keeps getting bigger
I keep forgiving and even
giving it water to grow
before it was a prickly
momento from a season past
now it sickens me inside
as it pierces my heart
steals the life from me
bleeding as it stabs me again
everyday it makes me cry
it seems to like me that way
I know what must happen
cut it off completely but
afraid I'm not able to
as simple as everyone says
but it's been there so long
that I'm tired of the struggle
I don't know what I need
where I can turn this time
bullied and bewildered
this is the way I know
lost and out of control
I pretend to be sane
I pretend to be fine
I pretend to smile
I pretend to live
I pretend I can
I pretend I am
I pretend I'm free
~ Marilen J. Sarian
just keeps getting bigger
I keep forgiving and even
giving it water to grow
before it was a prickly
momento from a season past
now it sickens me inside
as it pierces my heart
steals the life from me
bleeding as it stabs me again
everyday it makes me cry
it seems to like me that way
I know what must happen
cut it off completely but
afraid I'm not able to
as simple as everyone says
but it's been there so long
that I'm tired of the struggle
I don't know what I need
where I can turn this time
bullied and bewildered
this is the way I know
lost and out of control
I pretend to be sane
I pretend to be fine
I pretend to smile
I pretend to live
I pretend I can
I pretend I am
I pretend I'm free
~ Marilen J. Sarian
CUDDLE BUGS
Look between the sheets and you may find one
A cute creature called affectionately a "Cuddle Bug"
They have strong developed arms that hold you tight
And fast muscular legs that can chase your down
Don't get scared when one comes after you
It's something most people want to experience
Cuddle Bugs won't leave you cold and lonely
They keep you company in the middle of the night
Sometimes they can infect you with a snuggle
And you may turn into a Cuddle Bug yourself
It's an adventure when there are two Cuddle Bugs
They both try relentlessly to cling to each other
Trying to separate the bugs can present a challenge
It's best to leave well enough alone when it comes to that...
~ Marilen J. Sarian
A cute creature called affectionately a "Cuddle Bug"
They have strong developed arms that hold you tight
And fast muscular legs that can chase your down
Don't get scared when one comes after you
It's something most people want to experience
Cuddle Bugs won't leave you cold and lonely
They keep you company in the middle of the night
Sometimes they can infect you with a snuggle
And you may turn into a Cuddle Bug yourself
It's an adventure when there are two Cuddle Bugs
They both try relentlessly to cling to each other
Trying to separate the bugs can present a challenge
It's best to leave well enough alone when it comes to that...
~ Marilen J. Sarian
HE MADE ME DRAW A RHINO
Too detail oriented? Possibly
But he asked me to draw a rhino,
I coudn't remember what one looked like.
Did it have a big butt and a big head?
There must be a horn on it's nose.
Are they big nostrils and where does the horn go?
I drew the horn and a very cartoony fat body.
He told me to stop and think carefully.
Everyone knows about the horn but what else...
"I don't know" was my reply and he tore the piece of paper.
But it was looking mighty cute with it's huge butt and head.
"That's not it" was his answer back to me.
He said to quit being so detailed to start.
Concentrate on the shapes and draw the body.
He restricted me to draw in a smaller portion of the paper.
"Do not pass these two points," he sternly said.
I proceeded to follow the rules and listened.
He showed me a photo of the rhino and left my side.
I got to work on the rhinocerous masterpiece.
Nervously I worked on the form and not the horn.
Shapes, circles, lines, no horn, no horn, yet.
Alas it begins to make sense and I finally finally get to the horn.
There are two horns! There are weird ears. The eyes small.
Rhinos are funny looking beings aren't they?
Times was up and here is what surprisingly turned out:
And so I had a moment today to revisit my rhino
I gave him color that he didn't have before.
I placed grass for him to eat up and fill his skinny waist.
There is blue sky above the mountain caps.
There is a dream of peaceful rhino alone with this thoughts.
But he asked me to draw a rhino,
I coudn't remember what one looked like.
Did it have a big butt and a big head?
There must be a horn on it's nose.
Are they big nostrils and where does the horn go?
I drew the horn and a very cartoony fat body.
He told me to stop and think carefully.
Everyone knows about the horn but what else...
"I don't know" was my reply and he tore the piece of paper.
But it was looking mighty cute with it's huge butt and head.
"That's not it" was his answer back to me.
He said to quit being so detailed to start.
Concentrate on the shapes and draw the body.
He restricted me to draw in a smaller portion of the paper.
"Do not pass these two points," he sternly said.
I proceeded to follow the rules and listened.
He showed me a photo of the rhino and left my side.
I got to work on the rhinocerous masterpiece.
Nervously I worked on the form and not the horn.
Shapes, circles, lines, no horn, no horn, yet.
Alas it begins to make sense and I finally finally get to the horn.
There are two horns! There are weird ears. The eyes small.
Rhinos are funny looking beings aren't they?
Times was up and here is what surprisingly turned out:
And so I had a moment today to revisit my rhino
I gave him color that he didn't have before.
I placed grass for him to eat up and fill his skinny waist.
There is blue sky above the mountain caps.
There is a dream of peaceful rhino alone with this thoughts.
DANCE FREE
Oh, I know you too well
Tricks in all your magic spells
Finding ways to make me dwell
Choking on the tears that always fell
Whatever did you think of me
Imagined you would set me free
Away from all my problems here
But now I know it was make believe
So hand it over
That magic wand of yours
I'll find my own lover
And open my own doors
You've never given me
More than the bipity boo
And one cannot dance free
In a pair of glass shoes
That last prince was a joke
All mirrors and full of smoke
Handsome yes in his velvet cloak
But it was time that I awoke
Your solution to my strife
Was to make this girl a wife
Instead of giving me a better life
You drained from me my will to fight
So hand it over
That magic wand of yours
I'll find my own lover
And open my own doors
You've never given me
More than the bipity boo
And one cannot dance free
In a pair of glass shoes
~ Marilen J. Sarian
Tricks in all your magic spells
Finding ways to make me dwell
Choking on the tears that always fell
Whatever did you think of me
Imagined you would set me free
Away from all my problems here
But now I know it was make believe
So hand it over
That magic wand of yours
I'll find my own lover
And open my own doors
You've never given me
More than the bipity boo
And one cannot dance free
In a pair of glass shoes
That last prince was a joke
All mirrors and full of smoke
Handsome yes in his velvet cloak
But it was time that I awoke
Your solution to my strife
Was to make this girl a wife
Instead of giving me a better life
You drained from me my will to fight
So hand it over
That magic wand of yours
I'll find my own lover
And open my own doors
You've never given me
More than the bipity boo
And one cannot dance free
In a pair of glass shoes
~ Marilen J. Sarian
MENTAL PICTURE
Closing my eyes to picture that day in June
You walked with me in the late afternoon
There was a beautiful canal lined with trees
You picked a white flower and gave it to me
I was a buzz from the golden amber drinks
As the sky filled up with warm orange and pinks
We danced on the sidewalk and kissed in the park
Among velvet trees where strangers left their mark
Standing on the bridge we watched the sunset
Estimating the time that you and I had left
The rain started to fall as we tracked our origin
Caught in the rainstorm going to where we've been
You and I kissed as wind and water surrounded
Our bodies and mind with senses overloaded
Droplets sparkled in the silvery street light
Storm music changing our course in the night
I took a mental picture like you told me to do
To gaze upon it with eyes closed whenever I'm blue
~ Marilen J. Sarian
DEMAGNETIZED
Demagnetized again
Missing polar energy
No sense of real direction
I think I'll fall this way
Maybe drift all around
Nothing will attract me
Stick with emptiness
If static can chase after
That may just be fine
But I fizzled out a while
So if it doesn't find me
It probably never will
The confusion laughs
Perfected with the irony
Balled up fist restricted
So is the mouth held
I fight fainting now
Crazy tears turn red
Close my eyes
~ Marilen J. Sarian
Missing polar energy
No sense of real direction
I think I'll fall this way
Maybe drift all around
Nothing will attract me
Stick with emptiness
If static can chase after
That may just be fine
But I fizzled out a while
So if it doesn't find me
It probably never will
The confusion laughs
Perfected with the irony
Balled up fist restricted
So is the mouth held
I fight fainting now
Crazy tears turn red
Close my eyes
~ Marilen J. Sarian
THE HALF EATEN SUNDAE
Looking for something sweet, I went searching incessantly for the thing that would hit the spot. I took a left and then a right and came across the ice cream shop. There stood many types of people all contemplating their own flavor of the day. Lined up like ants, they all had the same end goal for their patient determination. I decided to join the ranks and fell into the formation.
I watched as turn by turn each person walked off with their confection. Their eyes beaming as the sticky goodness met with their warm tongues and puckering lips. The decision seemed simple enough in my eyes. I would go for the hot fudge sundae. The dichotomy of it sparked my apathetic brain. This may be the dessert my fanatical life may just wrap around and savor, even if just for the briefest of moments.
I spouted my demands to the server, "double scoop in the medium cup and don't skimp on the whip cream". I felt like I was at Starbucks snootily speaking to a barista. She created the sundae with mindless precision and handed it over to my eager hands. I gave an approving nod and praised her work. I reluctantly handed over the last bit of my cash and skipped over to the seat up against the front window.
Time to let the anticipation subside, as I took the first heaping spoonful and consumed it. It was as I figured… warm and cold intermixed, tingling my senses. I started with a slow pace but eventually became impatient because the experience was reaching a plateau. I was beginning to tire of the aftertaste. The hot fudge was not hot much longer and thoughts of generic ice water revolved around my brain. My appetite was switched to something more readily available and certainly not as costly. I became frustrated and no longer cared to eat any more of the sundae. I looked upon it's melted mess. It was once a towering masterpiece which was now obliterated by the stabbing of the plastic spoon. The aftermath was a half melted story of a once passionate desire.
My sticky hands grabbed the remains and away it was thrown… never to be seen again in the light of day.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
I watched as turn by turn each person walked off with their confection. Their eyes beaming as the sticky goodness met with their warm tongues and puckering lips. The decision seemed simple enough in my eyes. I would go for the hot fudge sundae. The dichotomy of it sparked my apathetic brain. This may be the dessert my fanatical life may just wrap around and savor, even if just for the briefest of moments.
I spouted my demands to the server, "double scoop in the medium cup and don't skimp on the whip cream". I felt like I was at Starbucks snootily speaking to a barista. She created the sundae with mindless precision and handed it over to my eager hands. I gave an approving nod and praised her work. I reluctantly handed over the last bit of my cash and skipped over to the seat up against the front window.
Time to let the anticipation subside, as I took the first heaping spoonful and consumed it. It was as I figured… warm and cold intermixed, tingling my senses. I started with a slow pace but eventually became impatient because the experience was reaching a plateau. I was beginning to tire of the aftertaste. The hot fudge was not hot much longer and thoughts of generic ice water revolved around my brain. My appetite was switched to something more readily available and certainly not as costly. I became frustrated and no longer cared to eat any more of the sundae. I looked upon it's melted mess. It was once a towering masterpiece which was now obliterated by the stabbing of the plastic spoon. The aftermath was a half melted story of a once passionate desire.
My sticky hands grabbed the remains and away it was thrown… never to be seen again in the light of day.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
THIS PERFECT MONTH OF JUNE
Verse One:
It doesn't matter if the glass is half full or half empty
Pour out the glass and look through the bottom
The world will seem different and a little hazy
Leave our troubles behind, let's rise above them
Verse Two:
I'll take you far away from the world's confusion
I'm a bit confused myself but I'll find the way
You can treat me to all my wanted illusions
Together create those words we'll never say
So if you're game...
Chorus:
We'll run through the water
Dance in it's waves
Climb up the buildings
Slide down fire escapes
Live in the moments
Find hidden caves
Run till we're tired
Be nobody's slave
I'll go over this way
You'll meet me real soon
Bask in the sunshine
And then howl at the moon
Find where true life lives
Sing a brand new tune
Remember each moment
This perfect month of June
Verse Three:
Maybe the weather will turn and storms may come
But that's what umbrellas and raincoats are for
I won't mind the change, it won't spoil my fun
I'll make sure it won't spoil yours so come back for more
So if you're game...
Chorus
This perfect month of June
This perfect month of June
End
~Marilen J. Sarian
It doesn't matter if the glass is half full or half empty
Pour out the glass and look through the bottom
The world will seem different and a little hazy
Leave our troubles behind, let's rise above them
Verse Two:
I'll take you far away from the world's confusion
I'm a bit confused myself but I'll find the way
You can treat me to all my wanted illusions
Together create those words we'll never say
So if you're game...
Chorus:
We'll run through the water
Dance in it's waves
Climb up the buildings
Slide down fire escapes
Live in the moments
Find hidden caves
Run till we're tired
Be nobody's slave
I'll go over this way
You'll meet me real soon
Bask in the sunshine
And then howl at the moon
Find where true life lives
Sing a brand new tune
Remember each moment
This perfect month of June
Verse Three:
Maybe the weather will turn and storms may come
But that's what umbrellas and raincoats are for
I won't mind the change, it won't spoil my fun
I'll make sure it won't spoil yours so come back for more
So if you're game...
Chorus
This perfect month of June
This perfect month of June
End
~Marilen J. Sarian
BEING VULNERABLE
Amazingly you can close your heart if you wanted to
There certainly is a switch to our emotions
I was given real boundaries at the onset of one meeting
Feeling nothing but respect I trotted along
Then there are those you meet that sweep you away
You are told hopeful plans and future days
Letting the floodgates unlock, I was wide open
Two can be equally fine and dandy people
Yet one cannot ever be a risk you can take
But the other is even riskier to fall into
I looked into myself the other day and thought
For a moment I'll switch the emotions, flip them over
In my heart there stirred the complicated brew
I leapt at the thought of the first and I felt the warmth
I defied the memory of the second and sighed
There was a switch and I could feel my aches
I romanced the idea of the ideals for each
I would choose where my feelings are placed
And I can everyday, if I so wanted to
Private emotions don't ever need validation
So I can be vulnerable whenever I want
Since ultimately it is definitely of my choosing
Whether I can get over whoever will leave first
~ Marilen J. Sarian
There certainly is a switch to our emotions
I was given real boundaries at the onset of one meeting
Feeling nothing but respect I trotted along
Then there are those you meet that sweep you away
You are told hopeful plans and future days
Letting the floodgates unlock, I was wide open
Two can be equally fine and dandy people
Yet one cannot ever be a risk you can take
But the other is even riskier to fall into
I looked into myself the other day and thought
For a moment I'll switch the emotions, flip them over
In my heart there stirred the complicated brew
I leapt at the thought of the first and I felt the warmth
I defied the memory of the second and sighed
There was a switch and I could feel my aches
I romanced the idea of the ideals for each
I would choose where my feelings are placed
And I can everyday, if I so wanted to
Private emotions don't ever need validation
So I can be vulnerable whenever I want
Since ultimately it is definitely of my choosing
Whether I can get over whoever will leave first
~ Marilen J. Sarian
LOSING IT
Really, it was my mistake
I pretended you were crazy about me
Dancing around in a brand new state
Feeling high and pretty free
Really, it was all my fault
I played make believe that you thought of me
Leaping for joy with summersaults
Giddy as a bumbling bee
Really, I misunderstood
I imagined that you were perfect for me
Sighing with relief that it was all too good
Making plans for you and me
Then, the light of truth crashed in my eyes
Blinding me with reality
Truly the relationship was not alive
Dead in its complacency
I walk today with the heaviest of hearts
Placing the past behind
For sometimes I assume I'm smart
But in love I lose my mind
~ Marilen J. Sarian
I pretended you were crazy about me
Dancing around in a brand new state
Feeling high and pretty free
Really, it was all my fault
I played make believe that you thought of me
Leaping for joy with summersaults
Giddy as a bumbling bee
Really, I misunderstood
I imagined that you were perfect for me
Sighing with relief that it was all too good
Making plans for you and me
Then, the light of truth crashed in my eyes
Blinding me with reality
Truly the relationship was not alive
Dead in its complacency
I walk today with the heaviest of hearts
Placing the past behind
For sometimes I assume I'm smart
But in love I lose my mind
~ Marilen J. Sarian
CATCH MY LOVE
May it be
the biggest downfall of all
the biggest downfall of all
that when it comes to romance
I tend to pour out my heart
to that someone.
to that someone.
There's no mistake
that I will do it
till I'm empty
till there's not
a single drop left in me.
I expect that he
will be ready to catch it all
with the palm of his hands
that's how he thinks
it should be done.
But it's my mistake
I figured them for smarter
the perfect one for me
will know how to catch it
he will use his heart.
Instead of his hands
catching every single drop
and adding his own
holding me close
to pour out his love to me.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
that I will do it
till I'm empty
till there's not
a single drop left in me.
I expect that he
will be ready to catch it all
with the palm of his hands
that's how he thinks
it should be done.
But it's my mistake
I figured them for smarter
the perfect one for me
will know how to catch it
he will use his heart.
Instead of his hands
catching every single drop
and adding his own
holding me close
to pour out his love to me.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
QUESTIONS
'Where were you yesterday,' someone asked me.
I didn't really want to answer, since I'm trying to live for today.
"But if you really must know, I was the one in a hurry...
The one who was stubborn and who knew everything to say".
'What are your plans for the future,' the other one pried.
I knew better than to lay this all out, since I made so many mistakes.
"But if you really must know, I am the kind who has cried...
And I know that I am prone to it and it's a chance I must take."
'What will you accomplish today,' the mysterious one asked.
I was bewildered and confused, since I now had a choice.
"But if you really must know, I will no longer wear a mask...
I will show you my face of courage and you will hear my voice."
~ Marilen J. Sarian
I didn't really want to answer, since I'm trying to live for today.
"But if you really must know, I was the one in a hurry...
The one who was stubborn and who knew everything to say".
'What are your plans for the future,' the other one pried.
I knew better than to lay this all out, since I made so many mistakes.
"But if you really must know, I am the kind who has cried...
And I know that I am prone to it and it's a chance I must take."
'What will you accomplish today,' the mysterious one asked.
I was bewildered and confused, since I now had a choice.
"But if you really must know, I will no longer wear a mask...
I will show you my face of courage and you will hear my voice."
~ Marilen J. Sarian
USELESS HANDS
Arrogant hands
used to turn
dirt into gold
and to me that felt great.
So much power
in knowing that life
was all mine for the taking.
I grabbed at the chance
and threw out the ones
I thought were mistakes.
I pawed at the highest
and brightest statues
that knew their beauty.
I brushed off the little things
and held tightly
to the rocks before me.
Then one day,
a curse befell these little hands
without a warning.
The gold became
a sticky mess
that turned my fingers yellow.
Time slipped from my hands
and pushed the turn of fate.
Mistaken grasps
and I fell head first
into the darkness of despair.
Nothing to feel
and no other hands
that I can reach for.
Now to count
incessantly
the empty days ahead.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
used to turn
dirt into gold
and to me that felt great.
So much power
in knowing that life
was all mine for the taking.
I grabbed at the chance
and threw out the ones
I thought were mistakes.
I pawed at the highest
and brightest statues
that knew their beauty.
I brushed off the little things
and held tightly
to the rocks before me.
Then one day,
a curse befell these little hands
without a warning.
The gold became
a sticky mess
that turned my fingers yellow.
Time slipped from my hands
and pushed the turn of fate.
Mistaken grasps
and I fell head first
into the darkness of despair.
Nothing to feel
and no other hands
that I can reach for.
Now to count
incessantly
the empty days ahead.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
THE CRAVING
Craving the taste of you.
You in one delicious moment.
Moment of intense desire.
Desire to find closeness.
Closeness in your eyes.
Eyes meeting in happiness.
Happiness that falls together.
Together in the sunshine.
Sunshine keeps us satisfied.
Satisfied in the inspiration.
Inspiration from your touch.
Touch each other's heart.
Heart that is craving.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
You in one delicious moment.
Moment of intense desire.
Desire to find closeness.
Closeness in your eyes.
Eyes meeting in happiness.
Happiness that falls together.
Together in the sunshine.
Sunshine keeps us satisfied.
Satisfied in the inspiration.
Inspiration from your touch.
Touch each other's heart.
Heart that is craving.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
SNAKE'S MISADVENTURE
......Sly little snake
.......thought she would
............wriggle through
......the shallow tunnel.
..After all, it did look
manageable.
.She slid right in
......and explored
...........its silent hall.
.......It was not cluttered
.....and no obstacles
.did she find
that hindered
her movements.
She felt comfortable
.....and a bit excited
...........to have found
...............this hideaway.
.............The longer she stayed
...........the more she felt
.........uneasy.
....The tunnel
scratched her skin
and was asking her
.to shed
...before her due time.
.....Was this a bad thing?
...........She asked herself.
..........Then she did the silly thing
.............of pretending that she was
................the newly skinned
.............snake that he was
..........asking her to be.
.....She pranced around
.and let words of
uninhibited desires
escape her
..loose tongue.
......It didn't really seem
.........to matter that she was
...........changing... for the
.........tunnel asked her
......for more than
..her words of lust.
She was sad
to know that she
..needed to leave that
.....tunnel for a better
.........more promising shelter.
............She took her thin
..........skin and mustered
........up the courage to
....not look back.
.Her pride was hurt
but at least she
only had a few
.regrets but
...not too much
.......shame.
............And
................that
....................she
.................can
..............live
........with.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
.......thought she would
............wriggle through
......the shallow tunnel.
..After all, it did look
manageable.
.She slid right in
......and explored
...........its silent hall.
.......It was not cluttered
.....and no obstacles
.did she find
that hindered
her movements.
She felt comfortable
.....and a bit excited
...........to have found
...............this hideaway.
.............The longer she stayed
...........the more she felt
.........uneasy.
....The tunnel
scratched her skin
and was asking her
.to shed
...before her due time.
.....Was this a bad thing?
...........She asked herself.
..........Then she did the silly thing
.............of pretending that she was
................the newly skinned
.............snake that he was
..........asking her to be.
.....She pranced around
.and let words of
uninhibited desires
escape her
..loose tongue.
......It didn't really seem
.........to matter that she was
...........changing... for the
.........tunnel asked her
......for more than
..her words of lust.
She was sad
to know that she
..needed to leave that
.....tunnel for a better
.........more promising shelter.
............She took her thin
..........skin and mustered
........up the courage to
....not look back.
.Her pride was hurt
but at least she
only had a few
.regrets but
...not too much
.......shame.
............And
................that
....................she
.................can
..............live
........with.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
INTERTWINED
A million ropes dangle down from the skies
where they are tethered on a single bridge.
Each rope a soul, each rope an essence,
each rope a symbol for what's you and me.
My rope is thin and short with many frays.
Your rope is hardy, strong and colorful.
I am swayed too easily by the slightest breeze
and you hold strong when the hurricane appears.
Intertwine with me and strangle me with love.
I will simply hold on to the passion you give.
Every thread will I give for you to hold,
so that out of the million we become as one.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
where they are tethered on a single bridge.
Each rope a soul, each rope an essence,
each rope a symbol for what's you and me.
My rope is thin and short with many frays.
Your rope is hardy, strong and colorful.
I am swayed too easily by the slightest breeze
and you hold strong when the hurricane appears.
Intertwine with me and strangle me with love.
I will simply hold on to the passion you give.
Every thread will I give for you to hold,
so that out of the million we become as one.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
YOU "RED" MY MIND
Red phone beeps and flashes flirtatious words
Red car drives into a gated castle of white
Red, Purple, Gold ribbon of songs are heard
Red imagination takes over with delight
Red lacy socks wiggle inside black boots
Red leather jacket crunches their sleeves
Red intentions race with the pending pursuit
Red excitement pounds for affections received
Red cheeks flushed by the touch of caress
Red lips pressing intensely upon each other
Red hands find spots that suit them best
Red hearts filled up in the bodies of lovers
~ Marilen J. Sarian
Red car drives into a gated castle of white
Red, Purple, Gold ribbon of songs are heard
Red imagination takes over with delight
Red lacy socks wiggle inside black boots
Red leather jacket crunches their sleeves
Red intentions race with the pending pursuit
Red excitement pounds for affections received
Red cheeks flushed by the touch of caress
Red lips pressing intensely upon each other
Red hands find spots that suit them best
Red hearts filled up in the bodies of lovers
~ Marilen J. Sarian
LISTLESS CREATURE
A mopish creature finds no comfort in her current state. She languishingly settles for the lack of stimulation. Effort is no longer the thought that fills her mind. It used to be open and cluttered with hope that would run in and entrall her. Those were the days when she thought the world was easy. She would glide to the most beautiful places and so lightly land into laughter.
Great storms passed overhead and the light and fuzzy creature succumbed to its dreary destruction. Her body ached from the damages. The once soft coat became clingy and oppressive. Laughter was no longer heard, instead there eeked a low rumble of lamentation. Eyes that used to sparkle, now cloak themselves beneath tearstained sheets of dust. All the strength she used to posses, now burried deep within a cold, heavy heart.
It will take a certain type of touch, a certain type of nourishment, a certain type of wonderful affection to save her. There is a brief moment when she lets a glimmer escape because she dreamt of the changing weather. Somewhere in the heavy darkness, a man filled with the knowledge of remedy seeks out the creature. He senses her potential and value. His goal is to reconcile her with the dreams the storm had washed away.
There are many obstacles for him to drudge through. He happens upon a glimmer which shows him a murky path from whence it came. He is not daunted, he moves even faster because he knows the creature is barely hanging on. He feels a form on the ground before him and gently brushes away the moss that has gathered around it. He finds a clammy figure underneath, barely breathing through its sad little mouth.
No matter its state, he leans in and presses his lips onto the creature's hardened mouth. Something inside stirs up slowly from within her listless body. The gentle touch from this understanding man shakes away the fright and her little eyes muster the courage to reappear. He picks up the fragile being and carries her away. It will take awhile for him to nurture her to her former glory. But time can move mountains and caring can bring back hope.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
Great storms passed overhead and the light and fuzzy creature succumbed to its dreary destruction. Her body ached from the damages. The once soft coat became clingy and oppressive. Laughter was no longer heard, instead there eeked a low rumble of lamentation. Eyes that used to sparkle, now cloak themselves beneath tearstained sheets of dust. All the strength she used to posses, now burried deep within a cold, heavy heart.
It will take a certain type of touch, a certain type of nourishment, a certain type of wonderful affection to save her. There is a brief moment when she lets a glimmer escape because she dreamt of the changing weather. Somewhere in the heavy darkness, a man filled with the knowledge of remedy seeks out the creature. He senses her potential and value. His goal is to reconcile her with the dreams the storm had washed away.
There are many obstacles for him to drudge through. He happens upon a glimmer which shows him a murky path from whence it came. He is not daunted, he moves even faster because he knows the creature is barely hanging on. He feels a form on the ground before him and gently brushes away the moss that has gathered around it. He finds a clammy figure underneath, barely breathing through its sad little mouth.
No matter its state, he leans in and presses his lips onto the creature's hardened mouth. Something inside stirs up slowly from within her listless body. The gentle touch from this understanding man shakes away the fright and her little eyes muster the courage to reappear. He picks up the fragile being and carries her away. It will take awhile for him to nurture her to her former glory. But time can move mountains and caring can bring back hope.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
BOUNCY AFTERNOONS
Bouncy afternoons make for giddy girls
White ribbons of flirting circle and swirl
Quick to prance and primp for the boys
Echoes of youth gather into a solid noise
Swishes of skirts and bangles of barrettes
Innocence roams where no one has regrets
Clicking of sneaks and a wink from the eye
Free the motion of ardor and they feel alive
[Dedicated to my young dance students]
~ Marilen J. Sarian
White ribbons of flirting circle and swirl
Quick to prance and primp for the boys
Echoes of youth gather into a solid noise
Swishes of skirts and bangles of barrettes
Innocence roams where no one has regrets
Clicking of sneaks and a wink from the eye
Free the motion of ardor and they feel alive
[Dedicated to my young dance students]
~ Marilen J. Sarian
PRETTY LITTLE GOLDFISH
Today I wished I was a pretty little goldfish. You know the kind with bubbly eyes and the pretty long tails. I would choose to be a sparkly orange kind. Pretty little goldfish have it easy. My memory would be short and my tank would be simple. I would stare at the bubbles for fun. Eat the flakes when I get hungry. If you were to stare at me in the tank I would probably make a fish kissy face. Then with my short memory forget that you were there and be happy the next time you came...
~ Marilen J. Sarian
~ Marilen J. Sarian
WALKING THE TIGHT ROPE
Fate invited her on and the world fell behind her.
There was no choice but to step onto the tight rope.
She had never done this before and she's afraid.
Afraid of heights, afraid of falling, afraid of what's at the end.
She's not equipt for this perilous challenge.
Her feet are small and one is even flat.
Her knees are buckling from nervous anguish.
Her heart racing as tears start to blur her vision.
She musters up courage and takes one step.
Just one step but it looks like there's a thousand more.
She looks up and around, far out into the distance.
She senses there are others walking their own rope.
If she's not the only one, that gives her reassurance.
Maybe some have made it half way and others are done.
Perhaps there's a few that fell off into oblivion.
She at least needed to try and see what she's made of.
She notices even more things as her tears stop flowing.
There are two strings tied to each wrist that float upwards.
At the end of each line are balloons filled with children's love.
She's not terribly alone with these two beautiful spirits.
Her steps are still unsure but somehow feel lighter.
She is determined to make it even though the end is not in view.
Sometimes hot negative air tries to push and scare her.
She pretends not to feel his aggrevating tries to hinder her.
So we now leave this struggling creature to her task.
We'll see where fate will lead and how this will change her.
You will never know when it's your turn to risk it all.
Until that time, enjoy the solid ground on which you perch.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
There was no choice but to step onto the tight rope.
She had never done this before and she's afraid.
Afraid of heights, afraid of falling, afraid of what's at the end.
She's not equipt for this perilous challenge.
Her feet are small and one is even flat.
Her knees are buckling from nervous anguish.
Her heart racing as tears start to blur her vision.
She musters up courage and takes one step.
Just one step but it looks like there's a thousand more.
She looks up and around, far out into the distance.
She senses there are others walking their own rope.
If she's not the only one, that gives her reassurance.
Maybe some have made it half way and others are done.
Perhaps there's a few that fell off into oblivion.
She at least needed to try and see what she's made of.
She notices even more things as her tears stop flowing.
There are two strings tied to each wrist that float upwards.
At the end of each line are balloons filled with children's love.
She's not terribly alone with these two beautiful spirits.
Her steps are still unsure but somehow feel lighter.
She is determined to make it even though the end is not in view.
Sometimes hot negative air tries to push and scare her.
She pretends not to feel his aggrevating tries to hinder her.
So we now leave this struggling creature to her task.
We'll see where fate will lead and how this will change her.
You will never know when it's your turn to risk it all.
Until that time, enjoy the solid ground on which you perch.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
IN THE SHORT OF THE AFTERNOON
In the middle of December, a young woman wandered around her quiet neighborhood on such a serene afternoon. The weather was unseasonably warm and it felt more like late summer as she strolled with a steady pace on the side of the street. Her worn black boots felt comfortable enough to walk for hours, if she had the hours to spare. She studied the masses of fallen leaves that line each block. Some were neatly bagged in see through plastic and some were piled gently without the gathering restriction. Occasionally, she passed a pile so large that fantastical thoughts of jumping in were filling her already full mind.
A quick smile as she passed the latest foliage temptation. If only the outfit that adorned her wasn't so delicate. If only her inhibitions weren't so brash and controlling. If only time stopped at the time when she was more carefree and naïve. She let out a soft chuckle and let the moment pass while she continued her forward momentum. Her newly found determination is still fresh on her conscience and seeking the past was not on her agenda today. This moment she feels alive. It is not the result of someone new or any change in the complexity of her problems. The week's introspection gave new insight into living for the moment and staying in the present. It is the nice weather, the effervescent air and the rich colors that saturate the scene that she is thankful for.
There seems to be a slight hint of promise that passes around her. It is the optimistic spirit that cannot help but leap beyond the current reality. She struggles to leash it and reel it in or else that imagination can lead to a hard striking descent that she is all too familiar with. Her final steps are in view as she approaches the metal gate that encloses her house. This is a bittersweet conclusion to such a relaxing unaccompanied promenade. Suddenly, a considerable gust of wind sends leaves upwards in a flurry. She is enclosed in the frenzy and looks to the sky now filled with confetti of browns and maroon. Her feet stop in their tracks, her arms stretches out, her head tilts back, her lips separate into a beaming grin, and then her eyes gently close. It is here and now that her heart begins to open.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
A quick smile as she passed the latest foliage temptation. If only the outfit that adorned her wasn't so delicate. If only her inhibitions weren't so brash and controlling. If only time stopped at the time when she was more carefree and naïve. She let out a soft chuckle and let the moment pass while she continued her forward momentum. Her newly found determination is still fresh on her conscience and seeking the past was not on her agenda today. This moment she feels alive. It is not the result of someone new or any change in the complexity of her problems. The week's introspection gave new insight into living for the moment and staying in the present. It is the nice weather, the effervescent air and the rich colors that saturate the scene that she is thankful for.
There seems to be a slight hint of promise that passes around her. It is the optimistic spirit that cannot help but leap beyond the current reality. She struggles to leash it and reel it in or else that imagination can lead to a hard striking descent that she is all too familiar with. Her final steps are in view as she approaches the metal gate that encloses her house. This is a bittersweet conclusion to such a relaxing unaccompanied promenade. Suddenly, a considerable gust of wind sends leaves upwards in a flurry. She is enclosed in the frenzy and looks to the sky now filled with confetti of browns and maroon. Her feet stop in their tracks, her arms stretches out, her head tilts back, her lips separate into a beaming grin, and then her eyes gently close. It is here and now that her heart begins to open.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
COPE WITH WHAT IS HURTING
Clenched jaw too painful to move
helps close on the dumb expressions
that wants to escape.
It's a bad thing that it hurts.
It's a good thing that it's there.
It's a fine thing that I can cope.
It's a sad thing that I have to draw back in fear.
Shoulder tightness too heavy to lift up
the things I want to carry.
Knees moving too stiff to dance
like there's never a hurry.
Hands trembling too fast to get a grip
on the one thing I desire.
Eyes too teary to see the things
I left behind in the fire.
Twisted necks too painful to turn
helps keep me ever present
in the face of madness.
It's a bad thing that it hurts.
It's a good thing that it's there.
It's a fine thing that I can cope.
It's a sad thing that I have to pull back in fear.
Help with what's too heavy to lift up
It's me I want you to carry.
Move me when it's too stiff to dance
Love me, there's never a hurry.
Steady me when I go too fast to get a grip
You are the thing I desire.
Explain when it's too teary to see the things
You are creating with your fire.
Hope is sometimes too painful to have
may be the thing to save me
when I want to quit.
It's a bad thing that it hurts.
It's a good thing that it's there.
It's a fine thing that I can cope.
It's a sad thing that I have to live in constant fear.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
helps close on the dumb expressions
that wants to escape.
It's a bad thing that it hurts.
It's a good thing that it's there.
It's a fine thing that I can cope.
It's a sad thing that I have to draw back in fear.
Shoulder tightness too heavy to lift up
the things I want to carry.
Knees moving too stiff to dance
like there's never a hurry.
Hands trembling too fast to get a grip
on the one thing I desire.
Eyes too teary to see the things
I left behind in the fire.
Twisted necks too painful to turn
helps keep me ever present
in the face of madness.
It's a bad thing that it hurts.
It's a good thing that it's there.
It's a fine thing that I can cope.
It's a sad thing that I have to pull back in fear.
Help with what's too heavy to lift up
It's me I want you to carry.
Move me when it's too stiff to dance
Love me, there's never a hurry.
Steady me when I go too fast to get a grip
You are the thing I desire.
Explain when it's too teary to see the things
You are creating with your fire.
Hope is sometimes too painful to have
may be the thing to save me
when I want to quit.
It's a bad thing that it hurts.
It's a good thing that it's there.
It's a fine thing that I can cope.
It's a sad thing that I have to live in constant fear.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
HAVING TROUBLE BREATHING
Breathe.
Lungs release and a breathy sigh escapes into the room.
Heavy silence shrouds the noisy thoughts in my head.
Broken heart trembles in between weary lungs.
Wishes at an arm's length away seem too unattainable.
Breathe.
Intimidating fiction projects itself onto a hopeful soul.
A blind man faces me as I paint with a colorless brush.
Touch is not enough to explain what my mouth cannot say.
Sensations screaming in my skin do not transfer easily.
Breathe.
Moments are falling out of skies filled with blue destiny.
Washing away failed visions of my rose-colored imagination.
Sweet torture to inhale the scent of the desire on those lips.
Suffocating in my reluctance to cross the borderline.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
Lungs release and a breathy sigh escapes into the room.
Heavy silence shrouds the noisy thoughts in my head.
Broken heart trembles in between weary lungs.
Wishes at an arm's length away seem too unattainable.
Breathe.
Intimidating fiction projects itself onto a hopeful soul.
A blind man faces me as I paint with a colorless brush.
Touch is not enough to explain what my mouth cannot say.
Sensations screaming in my skin do not transfer easily.
Breathe.
Moments are falling out of skies filled with blue destiny.
Washing away failed visions of my rose-colored imagination.
Sweet torture to inhale the scent of the desire on those lips.
Suffocating in my reluctance to cross the borderline.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
THANKSGIVING BLANKET
There are those of you who have chosen to be part of the threads that keep me from fully unraveling during the installments that life has been heaving upon me. Some of you have given me those little stitches of encouragement whenever you see that fresh rip and tear from the feelings that I've exposed. There are the sensitive few that realize that I may need patching up in some places. They add the strong pieces of themselves to where I desire the emptiness filled. Even new friends find a way to iron me out, so that I may not become just a pile of crumpled mess. A few has been there from the beginning and shared in my development. I am handmade by parents who created on this subsisting canvas, a tapestry that has comfort and adaptability. My dear childhood friends, you are and will perpetually be a part of the pattern that makes me a complex and resilient person.
Now that you all have made me whole again just for being present in my life... I would like to say that, "I'll be your blanket, I'll cover you... with a thousand sweet kisses..." - RENT THE MUSICAL
-Marilen J. Sarian
Now that you all have made me whole again just for being present in my life... I would like to say that, "I'll be your blanket, I'll cover you... with a thousand sweet kisses..." - RENT THE MUSICAL
-Marilen J. Sarian
LOVE AND DECEPTION
Afraid of disappearing, I desperately desired an encounter to fill me. I searched shallow places and got some bits and pieces. Then a presence befell on me. He said his name was Love. He allured me with flashy notions, controlled my heartbeats, and demanded my attention. I've heard his name uttered before by other people. They said I needed him in my life.
I lost control of myself and became what Love said he needed me to be. I did so much to make my Love happy. I rearranged and adapted because I was afraid that Love would leave. Love was quintessential. He told me so.
A half-decade later, I felt emptier than before. Love ignored me and no longer shined his light on me. When I cried, he didn't comfort me. He grew fat and apathetic and laughed at my breakdown.
I decided to expose his lies and capture his essence in a mirror. What reflected back was Deception. He wasn't Love but he distracted me enough to have me believe it. I cried in distress and the Past found me. It was filled with familiar faces and voices. They engulfed me and showed me that Love was still out there. Deception needed to leave me and I let him go.
Love will come and I will know him now. He will be patient and selfless. He will defend me and carry me through dark times. He will let me shine and encourage me. He will listen and comfort me. I will feel warmth and bask in his arms. It took Deception to help me realize this. I am no longer blind.
-Marilen J. Sarian
I lost control of myself and became what Love said he needed me to be. I did so much to make my Love happy. I rearranged and adapted because I was afraid that Love would leave. Love was quintessential. He told me so.
A half-decade later, I felt emptier than before. Love ignored me and no longer shined his light on me. When I cried, he didn't comfort me. He grew fat and apathetic and laughed at my breakdown.
I decided to expose his lies and capture his essence in a mirror. What reflected back was Deception. He wasn't Love but he distracted me enough to have me believe it. I cried in distress and the Past found me. It was filled with familiar faces and voices. They engulfed me and showed me that Love was still out there. Deception needed to leave me and I let him go.
Love will come and I will know him now. He will be patient and selfless. He will defend me and carry me through dark times. He will let me shine and encourage me. He will listen and comfort me. I will feel warmth and bask in his arms. It took Deception to help me realize this. I am no longer blind.
-Marilen J. Sarian
CATHARTIC EXPRESSIONS
If you find me in control, let me tell you I'm far from it.
If you see me smile, it's to disguise all the worry I face.
When you hear me laugh, it's a nervous tickle escaping.
When you feel me move, my soul is trying to break free.
Sometimes I am crushed, I may have let you in too soon.
Sometimes I hide in the dark, I wonder if you will save me.
Even if there is sun, dark clouds swirl around my eyes.
Even if it feels warm, I shiver at the coldness which slaps me.
So when you see me, smile and play those pretend games.
So when you leave, imagine that I'm the happy one who's fine.
-Marilen J. Sarian
If you see me smile, it's to disguise all the worry I face.
When you hear me laugh, it's a nervous tickle escaping.
When you feel me move, my soul is trying to break free.
Sometimes I am crushed, I may have let you in too soon.
Sometimes I hide in the dark, I wonder if you will save me.
Even if there is sun, dark clouds swirl around my eyes.
Even if it feels warm, I shiver at the coldness which slaps me.
So when you see me, smile and play those pretend games.
So when you leave, imagine that I'm the happy one who's fine.
-Marilen J. Sarian
BUTTERFLY IN A CAGE
I put my butterfly in a cage where the catcher won't get her.
He's been chasing her, trying to snag her with his net.
But I protect her and keep her safe and innocent.
She loves to soar over flowers and golden fields...
Spreading her colorful wings to tickle the air around her.
She travels to where the sun shines brightest.
He wants to add her to his ostentatious display.
There he has pinned other exotic creatures through the heart.
He boasts of his skills. He boasts of his eye for beauty.
I watch him try and catch my butterfly with every device.
He lures her in with his sweetness and promises.
He offers a hand while the other hides the dreadful net.
She is not aware and trusts too easily to know this peril.
He didn't know her like I did when she was a caterpillar.
This is her final essence. She's supposed to fly high and free.
I told her to hide in my silver cage, if just for awhile.
Her heart broke as she floated silently through the small gate.
I whispered my own promises and vowed her freedom.
He doesn't see her anymore and wonders where I put her.
I tell him that she wasn't his and that he'll never get her.
He tries to hurt me, but I'm stronger than my butterfly.
He aims his dagger towards my heart and penetrates me.
I look at him through weary eyes and show him my wounds.
I don't bleed anymore because I am only filled with tears.
One day he'll stop hurting me and soon he will disappear.
I will then return to the safe place where I keep my butterfly.
Her sweet release will cure my sadness as she flutters away.
-Marilen J. Sarian
He's been chasing her, trying to snag her with his net.
But I protect her and keep her safe and innocent.
She loves to soar over flowers and golden fields...
Spreading her colorful wings to tickle the air around her.
She travels to where the sun shines brightest.
He wants to add her to his ostentatious display.
There he has pinned other exotic creatures through the heart.
He boasts of his skills. He boasts of his eye for beauty.
I watch him try and catch my butterfly with every device.
He lures her in with his sweetness and promises.
He offers a hand while the other hides the dreadful net.
She is not aware and trusts too easily to know this peril.
He didn't know her like I did when she was a caterpillar.
This is her final essence. She's supposed to fly high and free.
I told her to hide in my silver cage, if just for awhile.
Her heart broke as she floated silently through the small gate.
I whispered my own promises and vowed her freedom.
He doesn't see her anymore and wonders where I put her.
I tell him that she wasn't his and that he'll never get her.
He tries to hurt me, but I'm stronger than my butterfly.
He aims his dagger towards my heart and penetrates me.
I look at him through weary eyes and show him my wounds.
I don't bleed anymore because I am only filled with tears.
One day he'll stop hurting me and soon he will disappear.
I will then return to the safe place where I keep my butterfly.
Her sweet release will cure my sadness as she flutters away.
-Marilen J. Sarian
BALLROOM DANCE ANALYSIS
There is music in the air and I am getting lost in the dance. I believe it is my saving grace. Dancing gives you a sense of control when life may be out of it. There is a mental commitment to either clam up and get frustrated, or move to the beat and react with every changing moment and lead. If you are the woman in the dance, you learn that trust is everything. The movement can be so freeing with the right partner. If your lead is not giving you a clear message, the dance flounders and it's very uncomfortable. The woman has to be cooperative and ready to receive the message. The man has to be considerate and wait for the right time to lead certain moments. He has to listen, he has to feel, he has to protect her, and he has to please her. The faster the dance, the closer he draws her in. The slower the dance, the more grace in the spaces in between.
When improv happens, both partners must be spontaneous but connected. Connection happens when energy is placed at the point of contact. You are committed to stay together even if you are doing your own thing. Once in awhile you are in sync, other times you pick each other up, sometimes you sweep the other off their feet.
Dancers can have chemistry by committing to the same energy. The best partners develop an instinct for each other. They communicate without saying a word. They keep their chins up. They sense the world around them. If they miss a step, they recover and keep dancing. They both know there is never the perfect dance. They know that one day the song will end and they will measure the dance by the way they made each other feel.
-Marilen J. Sarian
When improv happens, both partners must be spontaneous but connected. Connection happens when energy is placed at the point of contact. You are committed to stay together even if you are doing your own thing. Once in awhile you are in sync, other times you pick each other up, sometimes you sweep the other off their feet.
Dancers can have chemistry by committing to the same energy. The best partners develop an instinct for each other. They communicate without saying a word. They keep their chins up. They sense the world around them. If they miss a step, they recover and keep dancing. They both know there is never the perfect dance. They know that one day the song will end and they will measure the dance by the way they made each other feel.
-Marilen J. Sarian
THE CUP OVERFLOWED
An overflowing cup
filled to the brim
can it really be a bad thing?
I was told that's why
my tongue is numb
I keep tasting the same thing
because I keep drinking
the same stuff
that I've filled my cup with
Empty the cup
and then fill it again
was the thought
But I was reluctant
to pour it all out
It was familiar
and I had so much
I had stuffed in there
Even though the tea bags
have burst because of age
The flavor was stale
Then there was the lemon
I thought I had squeezed
but it turned out to be
my yellow heart
So blood and tears
swirled in the cup
then a hand held mine
urging me to let go
and let him carry
some of the burden
but it will be up to me
to overturn the overflowing cup
which I will do slowly but surely
because he is right
~ Marilen J. Sarian
THE WAY OF THE FALL
The orange splendor
of this season beside you
is where you'll find me
on a bridge over stillness
floating on tree and sky
like an invasion of impostors
where the sunset tickles
but this lonely gazer
and the undoubtable reflection
that she travels alone
clinging only to fade
and all that's left
is a landing where it's bare
slipping into dark thoughts
of this world confused
where she encountered
gandering associates
seeking with red eyes
what is bursting into the view...
The final one to fall.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
*What's neat about this poem is the sequential order of the photography expedition I took earlier this week. These words were first the titles I conceptualized once I chose my strongest shots. After reviewing them in a slideshow, I was in awe of the poetry it created. So here you can read the rhythm of the words' pace as it echoes in my head.
of this season beside you
is where you'll find me
on a bridge over stillness
floating on tree and sky
like an invasion of impostors
where the sunset tickles
but this lonely gazer
and the undoubtable reflection
that she travels alone
clinging only to fade
and all that's left
is a landing where it's bare
slipping into dark thoughts
of this world confused
where she encountered
gandering associates
seeking with red eyes
what is bursting into the view...
The final one to fall.
~ Marilen J. Sarian
*What's neat about this poem is the sequential order of the photography expedition I took earlier this week. These words were first the titles I conceptualized once I chose my strongest shots. After reviewing them in a slideshow, I was in awe of the poetry it created. So here you can read the rhythm of the words' pace as it echoes in my head.
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I am moving my writings and poems over to this site for the ease of posting and archiving my works. Thank you to all who have supported me and I will continue to pursue my passions and dreams with you by my side.
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